A reminder of what I am in this for.

I have an exciting week ahead. First up is the British Book Awards (AKA The Nibbies), where The List of Suspicious Things is up for Best Debut Novel and Best Marketing Campaign (and my super-talented cover designer, Ceara Elliot is up for an award, as are my publishing team at Penguin). I am so excited and have written a speech in case we win, while also practicing my ‘I am thrilled for you’ face if we don’t.

I will then take a little trip to Cornwall to appear at Fowey Literary Festival on Thursday and hopefully get some beach time in while I am there and see some writing friends including

Cherry Coombe

who I’ve known since I was twelve years old and haven’t seen for many years. I cannot wait.

The edits are also in for book 2, which I will post about next week, but I am thrilled, astonished and so happy to say that they are not extensive, and I am actually looking forward to getting stuck into them and getting ready to announce the book and it’s cover sometime in June.

It is all wonderful, fun and very, very busy, so yesterday was a lovely, and very timely reminder of what I am in this for, and the balancing act that is the creative life.

I messaged a local writer friend (Elizabeth Delo, author of the wonderful ‘Becoming Liz Taylor’) to see whether she fancied a coffee and she invited me to an event at a local art collector’s space where she had curated a number of paintings and lithographs and we spent the afternoon on comfy sofa’s and mismatched chairs looking at art and talking about the intersection of visual and written art with a group of writers and artists.

I had no idea what it would be like. Being really honest, I didn’t even really take note of what it was I was going to. I went without agenda/anything to achieve, and I loved it. I let myself listen and just be around other people who care about creating. It felt like nourishment for the soul.

On the way there Liz and I talked about The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, which she hadn’t heard of. ‘This afternoon is the perfect Artist’s Date’ I said, ‘Oh and by the way, now I’ve told you about this, I bet it will pop up everywhere.’ And of course it did. We met two other women at the event who were on their own ‘Artist’s Date’ and we all promptly got into discussion about our ways of ensuring we keep ourselves open creatively.

I was immensely gratified (and honoured!) to find that a number of people there had read The List of Suspicious Things (is always amazing to me when this happens), and one woman in particular wanted to talk to me about it. She was in her mid 40’s and we talked about how we had both been budding writers who had studied English at university, then life had got in the way, and we had let go of any creative ambition.

She talked about how she keeps promising herself that ‘one day’ she will got back to it (when the kids have left home/life is a bit more stable etc.) and I empathised with every single word. ‘How did you come to decide it was time?’ she asked, and I answered with my whole heart.

When I reached my mid-to-late 40’s it is no exaggeration to say it felt like I was dying inside. I was wilting, dehydrated. I just knew it was time. I had reached the proverbial fork in the road. It was change or die.

I really believe that menopause can be a turning point, not just physically but spiritually and creatively, and if a creative calling is something that’s always been inside you, it will start to knock on your door at this time. I felt like my defenses were down as I was busy fighting with anxiety, weight gain and exhaustion so I didn’t have the energy to argue with my soul’s calling, so instead I went along for the ride.

It began in little ways. I painted flowers. I made Christmas cards; I did The Artists Way, I started to breathe deeply into what it was I wanted the rest of my life to be like and in doing so I breathed a new life into being and began writing the novel that would change my life. I found myself feeling quite tearful as I described all of this to my new friend (poor woman!).

Part of why this conversation and the afternoon itself so important was I felt like that soul part of myself was saying ‘more of this please, this is LOVELY’. I can still tend to focus my energy where I feel comfortable and where I spent much of my former career - work, productivity, business - which I actually love but at the end of the day isn’t my souls calling.

I am a writer. A creator. Even if it makes me cringe slightly writing these words down, for all the reasons we know (imposter syndrome, my upbringing, never thinking I am cool enough!) and over the next few months it will serve me well to remember that and continue to feed and water my soul with the stuff that makes my heart sing, as well as the work that puts actual food on the table. Both are necessary.