Six things I've learned since The List of Suspicious Things was published.

I’m writing an extra piece this week as The List of Suspicious Things has been out in the world for six whole months today. What a life-changing whirlwind it’s been. It’s only now I am actually stopping to reflect on the experience, and to really take in everything that has happened. It’s been the best six months of my life, and I know it is a total privilege to get to say that. I have also learned a ton of stuff along the way. Some of that stuff is about publishing (which I might talk about in a future Substack), but most of it is about me (isn’t that always the way!) and I’m sharing it here in case it’s helpful for anyone else. And also, to avoid writing what I should be writing (which is also always the way!). So here are six of the things I’ve learned in the six months since The List of Suspicious Things was published -

1. Readers are the best. They really are, and they are what matters too.

This might sound daft, but I genuinely didn’t consider what it would be like to have people LOVE The List of Suspicious Things. I guess I didn’t dare hope that people would take it to their hearts in the way they have and love the characters as much as I do. It is the most precious and wonderful thing when it happens, and it is the MOST important thing. I’ve found it is easy to get caught up in the noise around being published (the numbers/the press reviews/the charts/ the prizes) - and that stuff is of course important when it comes to reaching as many people as possible (and earning a living!) but the thing that sustains me the most is when I get messages from people I have never met, telling me they loved the book/cried/have passed it onto someone. There is one person who messaged me to tell me she had read the novel to her mum, while she was in a hospice. She thanked me for that final connection, and for the precious moments she shared with her mum before she died. It’s something I will never forget, and of all the privileges of the last six months, it’s up there.

2. To care of myself physically and emotionally

Despite appearing outgoing and gregarious, this is learned behaviour. I am at heart an introvert, in the true sense of the word, meaning that I get my energy from being alone. This makes big groups of people and large events a challenge. Given that I have done a lot of bookshop/festival appearances over this last six months, I have had to learn and fast how much I can ‘be on’ before I crash and burn. No-one can predict that for an individual, as it is different for every person - so it’s something I have had to take responsibility for - and then communicate it. Luckily, I work with a brilliant group of people, and so we have planned the calendar together, taking into account that after two days of being ‘on’ (talking about the book/being in large groups of people) I have to have time ‘off’ (silent, alone). Setting these boundaries has been really important over the last six months.

3. Learn to surf (not literally, though it would probably help!)

If I’ve used the word rollercoaster once, I’ve used it a thousand times over the last couple of years. For every high - and I’ve had more than my fair share - there is a low - and the quicker you get your head around that, the easier it becomes to (excuse me while I mix my metaphors!) surf the waves. As well as all the wonderful things that have happened, behind the scenes there have been disappointments too - like the fact the novel didn’t sell in the US - and I am learning to give myself time to grieve the losses before getting back up and going again.

4. Build in times to do things entirely non book-related

This is very much linked to the above. As an all or nothing person (see my last Substack) I have found it very easy to disappear into the book, as though it is my identity, and there is no separation between me and it. This means taking everything very seriously and becoming very serious. At times I’ve found it hard to remember who I was before I wrote The List of Suspicious Things. For this reason, it’s become essential for me to separate myself from it and start to let it go; to do things entirely unrelated to books or publishing and to spend time with people who neither know nor care about either!

5. It’s still not enough. And that’s a good thing.

If you’ve read my Substack before, you will know I am a recovering addict and have been so for almost 17 years. One of the things I heard addiction referred to as in my early days was ‘the disease of more’ and oh boy did I feel that. I still feel that. And yet I hoped that having a published novel in the world would be the thing that would fulfill me forever. That it would fill the hole in my soul to the extent that I would never want or need to achieve anything else again ever. I am actually properly laughing as I type that. I’ve since learned about the arrival fallacy, and experienced firsthand how quickly my own expectations have shifted - going from ‘I just want to be published’ to ‘how many weeks have we been in the charts?’ in the blink of an eye. So why do I say it’s a good thing? Because who wants to be ‘done’? I’ve learned to fully enjoy every little milestone I have achieved and put the ones I haven’t in my back pocket for next time.

6. HAVE A BALL

I was a little hesitant about this one at first. It’s so un-British to whole-heartedly celebrate success and fully enjoy ourselves. But fuck it. I am 53 years old, and I really am having the time of my life. I made a decision pretty early on that I was going to lean into the joy of this experience, and I am so glad I have. Having a significant family loss just before I was published really put this into perspective and encouraged me to take my happiness wherever I could find it. There has been SO much happiness to be found in the last six months. I profoundly grateful.

There is more I have learned and much, much more to learn, and that is a joy in itself I realise, but for now, these are my reflections. If you too have a book coming out, in whatever form, via whatever route, I hope you have the time of your life.

(PS I have been thinking about doing something more with all the stuff I’ve discovered over the last 3 years (about writing/publishing and staying sane!) in the form of a more dedicated, paid for Substack for debut authors. If that is something you would be interested in, please do message me and let me know).