Writing through it

How a creative practice can soothe in these uncertain times.

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

I can vividly remember the early days of the COVID19 pandemic. It was such a strange, liminal space where it felt as though the world had a giant pause button pressed by some unknown force, and we all held our breath wondering what might happen next.

One of the things I remember most was the silence. I live in rural Somerset where there is little traffic anyway, but in those first few weeks of lockdown it was as though I was the only person living here, like I was somehow the only survivor of an apocalypse.

I am by nature a control freak. I like order, tidiness, and the feeling that I know what’s coming, even though I know that is illusory. In early 2020 that feeling was stripped away entirely, and I felt vulnerable and afraid. The only thing I could think to do with all those feelings was write.

From March to September 2020, I wrote the first draft of The List of Suspicious Things. I wrote without knowing what might happen in the future, indeed whether there would even be a future. I wrote without an agent, without a publisher, and without any connections to the book world beyond being a voracious reader.

The process of doing so gave me structure and meaning during a time where I struggled to find it anywhere else. It was less about the outcome, which was completely unknowable, and more about the act of creation itself.