I just subscribed and this is the second article I’m nodding my head away to. And I realised where I recognised the name from - your book!
My preferred way to say no to people wanting my time is “I need my energy for myself at the moment”. In mid-life I think it’s pretty typical to need and want more time for ourselves. So we need to find ways to claim that without beating ourselves up about it. I just tell people what’s going on: “I’m going through a pretty transformational time of life at the moment and I need time and space to work through that. Also, I’ve discovered that I generally need a lot of time alone to recharge my batteries.”
Learning to state our needs is difficult but feels so good when people respond with “Ok, take care of yourself”, or “I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself” - those are the keepers!
Me too! I got sober at 38 (43 now) and have had the same discoveries and also have WhatsApp messages from friends I care about that have gone unread for months… This is beautifully written and I feel seen 💛
I am going through a very similar transition now at 55. I want quiet. I want peace. I don’t want to see people. Being with my kids and my dog is enough at the moment. I feel terribly unsociable and guilty and friends say “I miss you” but I can’t explain why this need for solitude has become so important after so many years of being the life and soul. I loved this piece of writing, thank you for sharing.
"When I got sober, I realised with some shock that my extroversion wasn’t ’natural’ at all, and that I used alcohol to make me that way. I poured wine over my social discomfort and washed it away. It turns out I actually get my energy (particularly of the creative variety) from being alone. I am a quiet person. Who knew."
The same thing happened to me. That's part of the discovery of being sober - you gain a clarity otherwise obscured. There are many gifts of sobriety and this is the one I found, too. My newly discovered introversion, at the time (I'm nearly 5 years clean) made it easier to adapt to this new healthier lifestyle, although I'd been an introvert all along, of course.
Introverts recharge when they're alone. It took me a long time to figure that out. I recommend you read Susan Cain's book 'Quiet.'
I just subscribed and this is the second article I’m nodding my head away to. And I realised where I recognised the name from - your book!
My preferred way to say no to people wanting my time is “I need my energy for myself at the moment”. In mid-life I think it’s pretty typical to need and want more time for ourselves. So we need to find ways to claim that without beating ourselves up about it. I just tell people what’s going on: “I’m going through a pretty transformational time of life at the moment and I need time and space to work through that. Also, I’ve discovered that I generally need a lot of time alone to recharge my batteries.”
Learning to state our needs is difficult but feels so good when people respond with “Ok, take care of yourself”, or “I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself” - those are the keepers!
Oh I love this Susan x
Me too! I got sober at 38 (43 now) and have had the same discoveries and also have WhatsApp messages from friends I care about that have gone unread for months… This is beautifully written and I feel seen 💛
Ahhh Erin thank you! I almost didn’t post today so this response is so lovely x
I am going through a very similar transition now at 55. I want quiet. I want peace. I don’t want to see people. Being with my kids and my dog is enough at the moment. I feel terribly unsociable and guilty and friends say “I miss you” but I can’t explain why this need for solitude has become so important after so many years of being the life and soul. I loved this piece of writing, thank you for sharing.
Sending you lots of love and quiet x
Thank you for sharing, Jennie. Knowing and trusting one's self is such an unrecognised but precious thing.
So true!
"When I got sober, I realised with some shock that my extroversion wasn’t ’natural’ at all, and that I used alcohol to make me that way. I poured wine over my social discomfort and washed it away. It turns out I actually get my energy (particularly of the creative variety) from being alone. I am a quiet person. Who knew."
The same thing happened to me. That's part of the discovery of being sober - you gain a clarity otherwise obscured. There are many gifts of sobriety and this is the one I found, too. My newly discovered introversion, at the time (I'm nearly 5 years clean) made it easier to adapt to this new healthier lifestyle, although I'd been an introvert all along, of course.
Introverts recharge when they're alone. It took me a long time to figure that out. I recommend you read Susan Cain's book 'Quiet.'
Kindest regards and stay sober!
Yes, I loved Quiet too. Helped explain a lot!
Quiet is the best healing...